I haven't written in a few days cuz I've been pretty busy. I have found from experience that I'm a lot better off if I stay busy. I tend not to be as depressed and not snap at people as often. I think its cuz I don't give myself time to be stuck in my head and start thinking about stuff and I don't feel so lonely.

What I've found since this whole bipolar thing started is that I've kinda gone into a shell again. I used to be very outgoing and at times I still am, but most of the time I'm quiet now. I find myself feeling lonely even when I'm around people and I usually feel like no one cares. Those feelings get really bad whenever I go through a depressive phase which for me is most of the time.

A few therapy sessions ago I was having a really hard time with stuff and I was on a huge emotional roller coaster. It was so destructive and tiring that my T pulled the pdoc in and he talked to me and bumped up my medication. I have finally reached my full medication and feel great. I'm stable right now and loving it. I'm finally out of my depression. I got bumped to 200 mg of Lamictal and 5 mg of Abilify. Let me tell you that Abilify is expensive. I can't afford it so luckily my docs hooked me up with some samples for now.

Since upping my meds and becoming more stable and not depressed I've found that I've been sleeping a lot better. Normally I would wake up about 5-8 times a night and feel wide awake, but force myself to go back to sleep. Now I only wake up 1-2 times a night. Although when I bumped my meds I slept between 1-4 hrs for about 3 nights and I was still wide awake during the day. I once went for 2 weeks with 2-3 hrs of sleep a night. It was ridiculous, but luckily now I am sleeping much better :)