I said that yesterday my T challenged me to come up with 100 things that make me unique. Well I figured I'd share a few:

1 - very compassionate
2 - loyal
3 - colorblind
4 - been skydiving 15000 ft over Hawaii
5 - volunteer a lot
6 - trustworthy
7 - not very trusting of other people
8 - hard working/motivated
9 - responsible
10 - dedicated

I was thinking about why she was making me do this. It wasn't that hard to do until I reached about 70 and then I was coming up with some very random things about myself. I think T wanted me to see that I am unique and a good person, even though I don't usually feel like that. She says I'm way too hard on myself and I put too much pressure on myself as well as other people put too much pressure on me. I just want to do stuff right and I usually feel like a failure and no one likes me, but T is trying to help me get out of that dark place and realize I have all these qualities that make people like me.

Lately I've been really worried about being able to manage this whole bipolar thing. At times it honestly feels like everything is out of my control and that's usually when I screw things up. T has been helping me with coping mechanisms and told me this is completely manageable with the right meds, coping skills, and self care. Oh self care is a big topic of discussion these days. I have a history of self injury (SI). I usually hit myself when I get really frustrated and have also hit other things, cut myself, and once burnt myself just to escape the emotional pain. That's a hard concept to understand if you have never been in the shoes of someone who has so much emotional pain going on that they can't escape. SI is like an outlet that gives immediate relief and gives you physical pain to focus on. However, it is not a long term solution and I have gone almost 2 weeks without doing it. T wants me to work on self care so as a start I have been working out almost every day and try to get a decent amount of sleep. I've also been doing more stuff that makes me happy, such as hanging out with friends and volunteering. I never understood the concept of self care before starting therapy, but its a really important aspect of life.