I kinda just started this as a test and as a journal. I don't expect anyone to read this, but if you do then great. Its more for me than anyone else.

I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 about six months ago. I've apparently been living with it for about two years now.It was a tough thing to accept at first but now I see how much sense it makes. Things seem to be falling into place now that I better understand why things happen, but at the same time I don't understand any of it. All I know now is that it has a name. I had become very irrational at the time I originally sought treatment. I was extremely depressed and was originally treated for that. Once I switched into a state of hypomania, they knew they had the wrong diagnosis.

My mood is constantly changing, but I'm usually on the depressed side. I will go from being perfectly fine to having the hardest time just getting through my day. Its really tiring and frustrating, but its my life now. If you have or know someone with bipolar cut yourself or your friend some slack. They could probably really use it. I'm not sure about other people with bipolar, but I know I feel extremely guilty for everything I do. When I screw up its almost like the end of the world to me.

Recently I screwed up with a really good friend. I've been having so much trouble lately that I never realized how much of my burden I was putting on her. Once she pointed it out to me it was too late. She needs space now and I'm trying as best I can not to slip into a serious depression. I feel like if I let my guard down for even a second I'm just going to lose it and slip down the dark path yet again. I've been having a really good couple days, but I think its starting to fade and I just really want my friend around. I miss her, but I'm trying to be strong and not a big baby lol.

I was really excited yesterday cuz I saw my best friend, who I haven't seen or talked to in awhile because I screwed things up with her as well. She threw me on a crazy roller coaster that lasted about 9 months before I finally got over it enough to function. Now I'm diving back in with her and trying to form a friendship, but none of my friends at home know because they all hate this girl for what she did to me. I had a fantastic day with her and my mom though on Friday. She's my best friend and basically my sister, so it was nice to act like that again and catch up.

Tomorrow I get to go hang out with people and go on a pub crawl. I'm freaking excited. Something to look forward to, so I don't slip into depression again. I'm just trying to stay busy and hang out with people these days.