So I think I mentioned a while ago that my meds changed again. I got bumped up to 200mg of Lamictal and 5mg of Abilify. Apparently I was in a hypomanic state when I bumped up the meds and ended up in a severely depressed state for 24 hours. I have a history of ending up in a depressed state for a few days each time my meds are bumped. This time it only lasted a day and I snapped out of it. Normally it would just snap me into a less severe depression, where I would still feel like all this weight was on me and like the world could come crashing down at any moment. But this time I snapped out of it and was me again. Just plain me! I completely forgot what it felt like to just be me! It has been so long since I've been me and happy and it was just a shock, but also this amazing feeling that at some point I gained a little control over this. I've been in therapy for six months now and I haven't felt like myself in over a year. That's such a long time, but I'm so happy to be back. My friends have even noticed that I'm more like myself. My one friend said it was nice to feel like shes talking to her best friend again. That made me really happy :)

I'm so much myself that everything going on around me hasn't thrown me into mania or depression. I told my parents about being bipolar which threw me into a panic, but that's about it. My grandma ended up in the hospital with a perferated ulcer and something like that would normally throw me into some kind of state, but nothing happened. She's doing much better btw. I've hung out with people and joked around with people like I haven't been able to do in what felt like forever. Thank God for meds!

I am still not sleeping at this point, but I have a lot on my mind. My one really good friend still isn't talking to me and isn't even giving me a chance. I feel completely abandoned at this point and yet part of me is still trying to hold on. I've tried to talk to her, but she still wants space so idk what to do at this point. I don't do well with feeling abandoned though. I'm also trying to decide whether to go back to grad school or not. I found a masters program close to home that I stand a chance of getting into, but I need to take the GMAT which takes a few weeks to get registered and the application deadline for the masters program is July 10th. I don't think I'll be enrolling in the fall but hopefully the spring. The major issue with all of this is money, but that's an issue for everyone. I'll figure something out. Right now I'm just glad to be me and I wish my friend would give me a chance.